We have met the enemy...

I wanted to take a step away from the "how to do this" posts I've recently made and talk a little about the "why". More importantly, I want to talk about the "why not".

I have a lot of motivations for doing so. One is this post, where the author talks about how he was pretty viciously harassed by an anonymous stalker. First online... and then through physical mail. He talks about what happened when he encountered the troll - in person. But he didn't get much of an explanation out of the perpetrator. Other motivations are posts from a few friends of mine, talking about how they shouldn't need to use the safety tools (ignore and block) that Google+ offers - that people should be courteous enough to behave. And finally, I've been pondering my own behavior - wondering how people see me and my actions.

The biggest problem with online communications are that the secondary cues that we're so used to in conversation (tone of voice, body language, facial expressions, etc) are totally missing. Posts are largely reduced to facts or, when they degenerate, to shouting matches with each side trying to be heard. We seem unable to have civil conversation because we are unable to "look the other person in the eye". At the same time, we tend to feel safe(er) hiding on our side of the monitor, free from possible repercussions about what might happen if we said the same sorts of things in person.

We try to compensate. Sometimes our avatars do give the impression that we're a real person. We share personal details of our online personas, which can help to bind us to others. All of these are some level of risk, of course...  but they are similar levels of risk that we take in person.

Perhaps that is what we most need to remember when we talk to others online. We are talking to real people. So why shouldn't you make crude or threatening comments to someone else? Because you wouldn't in real life - and you know you shouldn't. (And if you don't know you shouldn't - then that is why you'd be ignored or blocked.) Why, in a discussion, do you sit and listen to someone else and then try to discuss their points? Because in person you can see this is a person who deeply cares, and you want to understand, and they want to understand you. Because you're a real person, and you deserve to be treated as a real person.

And, as the author found out, the troll is a real person too.